Why Getting Laid Is Impossible or Too Easy

Have you noticed that sometimes, it seems like the woman is the one qualifying you, no matter how ugly she is? But then at other times, you end up qualifying the hottest women? The pendulum of who gets to qualify who swings back and forth, depending on supply and demand, the social context, and who the most dominant person is.
How Women Qualify Men
When the woman is the one qualifying you, it seems damn near impossible to meet all of her qualifications. But when you are the one qualifying the woman, it seems too damn easy to get her... And it could be the same woman! The freaky thing about attraction is that it is always about context. A fat guy with a super strong frame in the perfect social situation can frame control a woman into believing that he is the one seeing if she is good enough. And a woman can qualify a high value guy in the right context (night club).
After I discovered this phenomenon, I started to put myself in the best situations or frame control (online game) women into falling into my frame where I am the one seeing if I like her.
Of course, the "best situations" are being in social circles with a lot of attractive women.
Disqualifying Yourself
No matter how good looking or successful you are, if you find yourself in a frame where she is the one qualifying you, she will find one qualification you failed to live up to and reject you. Don't ask me why. It's just how women's brains work. And she will turn around and bang a 50% guy just because she had low expectations for him. He is "congruent" with his low value image.
Wayne Elise came up with a technique called disqualifying yourself. This works with smart women. You show women that you have no need to meet their qualifications. I have found that it is far more effective to frame control women into meeting your qualifications instead. Of course, it has to be genuine. I don't ever let women qualify me, ever. I set the frame from the VERY BEGINNING that I am the one seeing how interesting she is. And through hundreds upon hundreds of online conversation, no woman has ever squeezed out of my frame control. Why is that? It's because even the hottest women yearn to be taken by a strong man with high self-esteem. Sometimes, I run into a woman who can't believe how tight my frame is, and she absolutely loves it.
The secret of all secrets is that she wants to buy into your frame. It is in your frame that she finds meaning and comfort. It is not a frame battle. She is just fronting. At the end of the day, she wants to relax into your masculinity.
It's frustrating because it leads to an abundance in sex you don't particularly care about and a complete lack of sex that you feel would be the most gratifying to you.
Playing Your Cards Right
To some girls you're the biggest player and to some girls you're the biggest chode. Their actual market value doesn't really matter, all that matters is whether or not you played your cards right with that particular girl.
I have seen that play out in real life a few times. It's painful and it's pathetic. At college, one girl I was particularly infatuated about ended up with a guy that I always considered a bit of an insecure loser. The plus side was that this in turn emboldened one of her friends (who up to that point always acted like a queen bee around her) who I dated that ended in a stand-off to ask me out on a date again.
It felt counter-intuitive because normally a girl rejecting you doesn't do wonders for your prospects with her peers but because that girl ended up with this chode miss queen bee rationalized that it must've been me who outclassed her (and again, that wasn't true at all) which automatically made me the price for her.
Insight Into the Female Brain
Anyway it gave me all the insight I needed in a female brain. They can only judge men relative to their visible social context. That's why sometimes you seem like the apex predator and sometimes you seem like a bottom feeder. You're the same person, what changes is your relative place on the hierarchy she lives inside.
It's just disappointed that it never really ends up being this close contested romantic game that you see in TV shows and movies. It's always either a thirsty slut or a cold shoulder.
I've seen this happen and experienced it quite a lot. It's partly human nature to chase the unattainable, but the chase is more than half of the fun.s Ones sudden elevation from the dogs dinner to Mr. Right when something external to you happens to shine a pretty light on you is much better than being out in the cold, but it does make it harder for you to tell yourself that they like you for you. I guess that's what makes liking you for you so important.

Lear powerful strategies on dating and seduction at Pheromones-Planet.com.
Mark Alexander is dating and relationship advice blogger from Los Angeles, CA.

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The Challenge of Pleasure: Re-Imagining Sexuality and Consent

I may not be a rapist, but I almost crossed the line once. I slept with my first girlfriend without discussing the matter of consent. This episode in my life has left a bittersweet memory.
You may ask if this re-imagining sexuality and consent has anything to do with my advancing age or the rise of Black feminism, the answer is no. All I am yearning for is to clear my conscience, and start afresh as a new man. The burden of the past is too much to bear.
I take ownership of this sad chapter in my life. This is despite the fact that the act itself was not rape per se. One grew up in a community that perpetuated misogynistic behaviours, and patriarchal upbringing was a norm. I guess it is also neither here nor there that I was too immature to form criminal intent. Equally, it is pedantic detail that we continued dating with the same girl long after the sad episode.
In my adult (mature) view, if someone at any point shows an act of aggression albeit covertly towards her girlfriend or anybody, it is par for the course that the resultant sexual encounter may not necessary be consensual in a legal sense of the word. I know some clever blacks would ask, did she say no at any stage? The rhetorical question would be did I ever request her consent at any stage? Of course, the elephant in the room is that I never did. Was I naïve? Perhaps. But, in all honesty, all I recall is that at the back of our young minds, we were hell-bent on getting laid that night by hook or by crook. Thanks God, it wasn't by crook. There was indeed implied consent evidenced by reciprocal show of affection.
This is how the story went. According my now torn exercise book (diary) that records major events in my life between 1989 and 1993 my first girlfriend was Nokwazi*. My diary entry records the event thus: "1991 July 15, 'coronation' day by Nokwazi*". The word coronation in its proper English sense means a ceremony when a new King (or Queen, let's not be sexist) is officially installed. A coronation is usually quite glitzy and full of pomp. However; in my 'hood those days if you had a new girlfriend, colloquial speaking you will say - "ingi-crownile leya cherry izolo" literally translated that girl crowned me yesterday hence all diary entries of all new girlfriends simply records the event as "coronation day."
Nokwazi* was not my dream girl. She was slim, dark and short. She did not exude confidence or class. She was just a normal rural pumpkin. I just so happened to have had the guts to say the magic words - "I love you" and being naïve as she was she just agreed. I must say this event of my first girlfriend was indeed celebrated.
Nokwazi* was from a neighbouring village known as Gawozi. With newly found love, a new habit of writing love letters begun. I must have written five letters a week to Nokwazi* over two years that our loveless relationship lasted. Although, we wrote to each other almost daily for five days a week, our actual face-to-face visits were a rarity.
At some point in 1991, we received intelligence from our mutual friend (a woman) that Nokwazi* and my brother's girlfriend had been granted a night out pass to attend a local function in their neighbourhood. Our mutual friend suggested we come and attend the function and this presented a perfect chance for us to get laid.
We got so excited, and meticulous military-type planning began immediately. On the day in question, we left home at about three o'clock in the afternoon - armed with heavy jackets, and concealed okapi knives. The grand idea was that if the girls refused to accompany us home - we were to scare them. We had no intention of using force. Our journey lasted an hour on foot.
Sadly, Nokwazi* and her friend didn't know at all - that we were coming or that their virginities were at stake. We took our position on the hill overlooking Nokwazi*'s homestead so that we could monitor all her movements. We monitored her movements until sunset. At this point, we needed better intelligence that did not rely on daylight. So we contacted our mutual friend. She promised that the said night function would start at around 08:00 pm. There was already an agreement among the girls - our mutual friend, Nonkwazi* and my brother's girlfriend that all of them were going to the function. So we waited. Our waiting was not in vain.
At around 10:00 p.m. our mutual friend delivered our girlfriends on a platter. Although, we were in a mean mood, we were mellowed by their presence. We simply announced that we were all going to sleep at the Mncube's that night. The matter was non-negotiable. So, we pleaded for maximum co-operation. They were stunned.
Nonetheless, they started co-operating immediately - by walking the talk towards the Mncube's household some eight kilometres away. We reached the Mncube household at around midnight. We had our way with the girls. Surely, in the morning we patted ourselves on the back for the job well done.
After the night of the long knives, the girls were released at the crack of dawn and only accompanied half-way to their destination. They left behind their virginities and dignity in tatters. Despite the fact that there was no resistance amongst the girls nor any force used, I am not persuaded that we didn't take away their prized personal purity, honour and worth. In today's constitutional democracies, it may be considered as a violation, all in the name of love. Somehow; it still feels like this was wrong on many levels. I have not been able to escape the feeling of guilt that I might have just forced myself on a poor defenceless woman. On the contrary, the evidence suggest that at the time, it was considered normal to proceed only on the basis of non-verbal communication.
Nonetheless, our love affair flourished long after this sad chapter. To Nokwazi* and all young women who suffered a similar fate, I apologise from the bottom of my heart. I now know better.

Bhekisisa Mncube is a full-time writer in the public service in the Republic of South Africa. He lives in Pretoria. At the time of going to press, he was still married to his sweetheart, Professor D. They have a 12 year-old daughter. Network @ bhekisisa.mncube37@gmail.com

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Sex Grows Up

It strikes me as one of life's cruelest jokes that men reach their sexual peak at 18, while women typically take until age 30 or later to reach theirs. The discrepancy sounds like a formula for universal heterosexual frustration, until you realize that the definition of sexual peak has nothing to do with how willing or good a lover you are. That ability comes with experience and caring - and there is nothing to stop it from improving with age, says Dr. Saul H. Rosenthal, medical director of the Sexual Therapy Clinic of San Antonia and author of Sex Over Forty.
Cultivating expertise requires an intermingling of the physical, emotional and intellectual. "You have to be aware of what's going on in your body and your partner's body," Rosenthal writes. "You need to adapt to those changes with a willing and enthusiastic use of your imagination - and a spirit of innovation."
At the pinnacle of sexuality, 1 20-year-old man produces about a teaspoon of semen a day. He can get aroused just thinking about sex, and aroused again only minutes after orgasm, thanks to his high level of testosterone. A decade later, the level has begun its gradual decline. One result is that by age 40, many men require more direct stimulation during foreplay to experience erection. At 50, semen production may be less than half what it was at 20. Some 60-year-old men typically ejaculate only one out of every two or three times they have intercourse. After 70, the refractory period - the time it takes to achieve erection again after climaxing - lengthens. What took one to two minutes at 17 takes one or two days by 70.
Among women, production of the female sex hormone, estrogen, reaches its height at age 30, bringing with it rapid vaginal lubrication, increased desire and more intense orgasm. AT 40, a woman is still capable of conceiving, but a decade later, she will probably be approaching or have gone through menopause, during which hormone levels decline precipitously. Menopause creates physical changes in the vagina, including dryness and fragility, but regular sexual activity apparently ameliorates this condition. Relieved of worry about pregnancy, many women find sex more pleasurable. At 60, a woman's orgasms may be more frequent than earlier in life, says Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan, director of the Human Sexuality Program at The New York Hospital-Cornell Medical Center, because female orgasm is, in part, "a learning process."
The male and female physiological changes that occur with age provide a fertile ground for a more leisurely enjoyment of sex, especially the "second language of sex," as named by Dr. Robert N. Butler, author of Sex After Sixty. "When people are young," Butler says, "sex tends to be urgent and explosive. It's concerned largely with physical pleasure and, in many cases, the conception of children. This 'first language of sex' is biological and instinctive - and wonderfully exciting. But sex is not just a matter of athletics and production. Some people recognize this early on and simultaneously develop a second language of sex, which is emotional and communicative as well as physical."
In fact, studies by Dr. William H. Masters and Virginia Johnson of the Masters & Johnson Institute in St. Louis suggest that sexual enjoyment in middle age is the best barometer of lifelong pleasure. "Sex is a natural function," Masters says. "Just because we age doesn't mean we stop functioning effectively."
Kaplan, whose survey of the literature on the subject shows that 70 percent of people in their 70s engage in sex regularly, believes that sex experts a positive effect on longevity. "Although no studies have yet proven this to be true," she says, "it's the consensus of the medical community."
Today's emphasis on fitness and health maintenance may exaggerate our expectations of future sex, suggests Dr. William R. Hazzard, director of the J. Paul Sticht Center on Aging at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. "I fear we may swing from thinking there's no sex after 60," he says, "to thinking there's no diminution."
Indeed, according to Dr. Lonnie Barbach of the University of California, San Francisco, and author of several books on women's sexuality, including For Yourself (Doubleday, 1975), societal changes will push people to maintain their sex lives as they age. "Today's 30-year-olds are not like those of 60 years ago," Barbach says. It will no doubt prove easier for them to remain sexually active as they grow older, she believes, given our knowledge about sex, but they also will face more pressure to do so.

I believe "The opposite of great truth is also true."
Day and Night, Work and Rest, Art and Science... they all looks opposite but my viewpoint is they compliment each other.
The more you relax, the more you active. Life is a balance between what we can and what we cannot. Learn to live between effort and surrender.
To read and follow good health habits visit http://growtaller4idiotsds.com.

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3 Ways for Men to Increase Their Libido Naturally

Low libido is not a problem just among women. A lot of men also experience a drop in their sex drive as they get older. However, age is not such an important factor here. There are men in their 60s and 70s who can boast of powerful libido. Then, what is it that deplete male libido?
Well, to be honest, a couple of factors can take a toll your sex drive and these could be a mix of physical and emotional issues.
As far as physical factors are concerned, lack of exercise and a drop in your testosterone levels can have a negative impact on your sex drive. On the other hand, emotional issues like stress, depression, anxiety, guilt and other negative feels such as anger etc. can put sex on the backseat.
Listed below are 3 great ways to boost your libido naturally:
1. Try Some Libido Boosting Foods
Love foods or aphrodisiacs have been around for thousands of years and they have been used by both men and women to enjoy better and passionate love-making. Oysters are a great example of such foods, They are rich in zinc and can help enhance your testosterone levels.
Chocolate is another natural libido booster. You can also try foods that are great for enhancing blood flow in your body. Pomegranates and watermelons are particularly good for enhancing blood circulation in your body.
2. Try to Manage Stress
At the same time, it's important to manage stress in your life. Stress can also result in poor performance in bed. It upsets hormonal balance in your body by lowering testosterone secretion.
One of the best ways to deal with stress is with regular exercise. Some other ways include yoga and meditation. A gym workout provides another major benefit. It helps increase blood circulation in your body. Good blood flow to the genitals is important for powerful sex drive.
3. Try Natural Libido Supplements
Last, but not the least, you can try natural libido supplements. Such supplements are a perfect way for men to enjoy better libido and harder erections. Some of the best ones consist of ingredients like l-arginine, tribulus terrestris, long jack or tongat ali, panax ginseng, ginkgo biloba etc.
These supplements not only boost testosterone secretion in your body but also help enhance blood flow, both of which are crucial for a powerful sex drive in men.
Good quality supplements are safe and devoid of all kinds of adverse side effects.

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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Mark_S._Smith/2005886

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Ways to Increase Male Libido Naturally

Just like women, men too experience libido issues as they get older. Some of the key reasons behind this include the following:

• poor blood flow to the genitals
• a drop in testosterone levels
• chronic stress and depression
• reduced nitric oxide levels etc.

Eliminating the above factors can help boost libido in men. Here are some simple and effective ways to do so:1. How to Boost Blood Flow to Genitals
The easiest and the best way to do so is with the help of regular exercise. Exercises that involve lower body are just great for this purpose. So, you must include squats, lunges, leg presses, leg curls etc. in your workout.
2. How to Boost Testosterone Levels
Testosterone is the primary male sex hormone and a drop in it can result in a lot of changes apart from low libido. Here are some simple tips to boost it naturally:

• Strength training is great for increasing testosterone, just a stroll in the park does not have an impact on your testosterone levels. So, hit the gym for at least 4-5 days a week.
• Get enough sleep each night. Lack of sleep builds stress and reduces testosterone.
• Manage stress through yoga or meditation. Stress is a testosterone inhibitor.
• Change your diet and include foods that are rich in proteins, moderate in essential fats and low in carbohydrates. Also have foods that are rich in minerals like zinc, magnesium and selenium.
• Avoid alcohol. Even two drinks a day can seriously hamper testosterone production in your body.

3. Try to Manage StressStress, depression and other negative feelings can take a toll on your testosterone levels. Here are some ways to beat stress:

• yoga
• deep breathing exercises
• meditation
• watching a light comedy
• enjoying a stroll in the park with your partner
• having a light body massage etc.

Anything that you enjoy can help bring down stress levels. Controlling your anger is also important to manage stress.4. How to Increase Nitric Oxide Levels
Nitric oxide is crucial for proper blood flow in your body. Without proper blood circulation to the genitals, you are likely to have low libido. Nitric oxide is important for dilating blood vessels resulting in improved blood flow to the genitals. Pomegranates and watermelons are excellent for increasing nitric oxide secretion.
L-arginine is also great for the same reason. You must have foods that are rich in this amino acid. Some of best examples of such foods are red meat, beef, nuts and beans, dairy and dairy products etc.
5. Try Natural Libido and Testosterone Boosters
Perhaps the best way to boost your libido is by trying a natural libido and testosterone booster. Such supplements are a combination of herbs and minerals that stimulate testosterone production in your body. They also help boost blood circulation to the genitals without any side effects or affecting your blood pressure.
Such pills can provide a lot of other benefits when you use them in combination with a regular exercise routine. Some of the best ones can help enhance HGH secretion too.
So, if you want to get a powerful libido, check out the Best Libido Pills for men that have helped thousands of men like you over the past decade.

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Simple Tips to Ensure Powerful Libido in Women

A lot of changes take place in your body during menopause and a drop in libido is one of the most common effects of a change in hormonal secretions during this phase.
Lack of sex drive can eventually take a toll on your relationship. You might be having the most loving partner in the world but if you are not able to please him in the bed, he is going to look for another alternative, jeopardizing the relationship with you.
Now that you are settled professionally and you have grown up kids, you can sit back and enjoy life once again. You don't have to suffer with low libido at all. Here are some simple and effective tips to elevate your libido to a higher level so that you can enjoy some great time with your partner:
1. Start Working Out
Some of the most important benefits of exercises include:

• improved blood flow to the genitals and throughout the body
• more energy and stamina
• reduced stress levels

All of the above three prove highly effective in enhancing your sex drive. Besides losing a few extra pounds can make you look more attractive too. Exercise can do wonders for your energy levels and good sex is all about energy!2. Try to Boost Nitric Oxide Production
What most people do not understand is that good blood flow is the key to a strong and robust libido. Nitric oxide plays an important role in enhancing blood circulation in your body. It acts as an important catalyst in dilating blood vessels so that more blood can flow into the genitals resulting in higher sex drive and better sexual stimulation too.
Certain fruits are exemplary in enhancing nitric oxide secretion and pomegranate is one such example. Watermelons are also great for the same reason. In addition to this, foods that are rich in l-arginine are highly effective too. Some of the examples of such foods include milk, dairy products, nuts and beans etc. You must try to include them in your diet.
3. Try to Increase Natural Lubrication
Vaginal dryness is a condition that affects a lot of women. It can make intercourse highly painful. No wonder, such lose their interest in having sex. You can get rid of this condition by drinking plenty of water and other fluids like fruit juices, lemon water etc. However, you must avoid soft drinks and coffee since they cause dehydration.
4. Try Natural Libido Enhancement Pills
Moreover, you can also try natural libido enhancement pills that have become a massive hit with women facing libido issues. Such pills are made with age proven and time-tested herbs, minerals and amino acids that not only increase flow of blood to the genitals but also enhance secretion of sex hormones, safely and naturally.
The beauty of good quality pills is that they are devoid of adverse side effects.
So, if you want to get a powerful and robust libido, check out the Best Libido Pills for women that have helped thousands of women over the past decade.

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The Uniform of Play: Gun and Police Uniform As an Object of Sexual Desire

I confess. I suffered from a rare condition known as the uniform fetishism. My uniform fetishism was sexual in nature. Uniform fetishism is a sexual fetishism where an individual is sexually aroused by uniforms. Yes, you read that right, a uniform can aid in sexual matters. Well, it did for me. But, that doesn't make me a jerk. All I am advocating for is that all human beings in their diversities must be allowed to explore our rights of desire to the extent necessary without impediments.

It should be noted that the academic literature on uniforms as a fetish is sparse. Generally, the most common uniforms in uniform fetish category include those of a police officer, prison warder, soldier, schoolgirl, and nurse.

Sociologists describe uniform fetishism as someone who derives sexual pleasure from viewing others dressed in the typical uniform. In my case, my irrational obsession was with the South African Police Service (SAPS) uniform worn by women. And, for me it was also directly linked to the presence of a firearm.

Dr. Dinesh Bhugra and Dr. Padmal De Silva are one of a few researchers who have studied this phenomenon. Their 1996 paper looked at the function of uniforms, and their relationship with sexual fantasy and sexual fetishism. They noted that uniforms can be seen as 'outer skins' that can be material and attractive in sexual terms, and that can enable individuals to display and wield power. Bhugra and Da Silva described the functions of uniforms as comprising the 'five F's' (formal, fashion, fun, fantasy and fetish).

For me, I have something uniquely perplexing about the women in blue. I have had a desire to sleep with an armed woman dressed in the South African police uniform. I know it's wacky but hear me out. My desire does not make me a masochist. I don't have sexual deviant behaviour, hence I don't associate the police uniform with punishment or torture as part of sexual pleasure.

My fetishism with the women in blue has a long standing condition. I became acutely aware of it in the early 90s. The more women joined the police service, it simply worsened my condition. Somehow, I felt like a sexual deviant, but I realised I am not. In any event many forms of sociologically deviant behaviour are not sanctioned by law, so I am not a sexual criminal either.

My sexual uniform fetishism reached its crescendo in 1999 when I finally dated a cop. Yes, I was once in love with a woman to the extent that she was in a police uniform and brandished a gun. I must admit. She wasn't my kind of girl. She was short, a little chubby and fair in complexion. As readers of this column know, I prefer my women tall, slender and yellow boned.

For this particular woman, I am certain that I was not sexually attracted to her beyond her in a police uniform. Let's put it this way, I was sexually attracted to her to the extent that she was a cop who wore a uniform and carried a gun. Our love "affair" if you can call it that was short-lived. We had fun while it lasted. I had to cut it short because my uniform fetishism was wearing thin. She was an emotional being in need of emotional excitement beyond her profession. I couldn't be there for her emotionally. I was not into her.

In fact, I was into her to the extent that she was only allowed to come and see me during working hours, and, wait for it - she had to be in full police uniform and have her gun in the holster. As part of our play, my job was to disarm and undress her so that I could have my way with her. Clearly, this was not sustainable at least for her. For me, it felt like having your own cake and eating it too. I had the time of my life. I never disclosed my uniform fetishism condition to her. She genuinely believed I was romantically attracted to her. Poor thing!

Our relationship ended abruptly. She had in her mind fallen in love with me. However, for her to be certain, I had to pass an emotional test. She had manna from the heavens when in one of our sexual encounters there was an incident where the condom went kaput. Obviously, after the fact we had to get an emergency contraceptive pill which allowed us to play, "couple". Weeks later she told me she was pregnant. She also demanded that we both go for HIV/Aids testing. However, every time we had an appointment to do the test, she didn't pitch. Any meeting with her had become cumbersome as she threatened to shoot herself if she discovered that I had infected her with HIV/Aids.

A month later, in a bizarre confession, she admitted that she had just been playing games with my mind. She was neither HIV/Aids positive, nor pregnant or suicidal. "I just wanted to see if you love me," she said. For me during this period I was in a panic because I feared that I might have contracted the sexual transmitted diseases especially HIV/Aids. While, I was relieved that she wasn't pregnant, I couldn't forgive her for putting me through the emotional roller coaster ride just to see if I loved her enough. The fact is I was not in love with her, but in love with her police uniform. After this episode, my condition was somehow cured. I now look at police women as women not just objects of desire.

Bhekisisa Mncube is a full-time writer in the public service in the Republic of South Africa. He lives in Pretoria. At the time of going to press, he was still married to his sweetheart, Professor D. They have a 12 year-old daughter. Network @ bhekisisa.mncube37@gmail.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Bhekisisa_Mncube/947902